What is love?

Love – it is undoubtedly the most widely discussed topics any where in the world. Love knows no language, is not limited by any boundaries and when you are in love, you cannot deny the fact that it is the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to you.

Love is more giving than receiving; more listening than speaking; more ‘we’, ‘ours’ and ‘us’ than ‘me’, ‘mine’ and ‘I’. Though it is discussed and thought of so much about, nobody has ever come to coherent conclusion about ‘what’ love really is. That’s probably because, love comes in various forms. Love that parents have towards her children, or that siblings have for each other, or even the love which you have for that special person in life.

Following is my understanding of what love is. It is more generalization of true love and I won’t be delving into the forms of love because I believe that all forms of love have a lot in common – which I try to explain here.

So what is love? According to me Love depends on five parameters: Acceptance, Surrender, Freedom, Understanding and Time. Sounds weird? Read on…

Love is acceptance

When you are in love, you accept the person completely knowing very well that the person isn’t perfect (believe me no one is). Also, more importantly, you accept the person for what he/she is and not what he/she can become. Acceptance is unconditional. In true love, you don’t hear: “I love you but I hate your singing” or “I love you but I can’t stand your parents”. Because, when you truly accept someone, you will also love what that person loves. You learn to accept their mistakes, forgive and also forget. Forgetting is very important, because if you cannot forget, it will never be able to forgive.

Acceptance also defines responsibility. You feel responsible for the welfare of that person. You take measures to ensure that the person is healthy, happy and safe. Another very important aspect to be mentioned here is the fact that you do not see the necessity to change yourself consciously. You will automatically change when you realize that some of your actions are disheartening the other person. And most likely these changes are mutual and happen at a subtler level, and almost always go unnoticed.

Love is surrender

Why do you think they call it ‘falling’ into love? That is because you surrender yourself completely to the will of that person. Anything they do/say/think will seem the best. Surrender does not mean you are becoming a slave. Surrender really means that you are placing the person above your ego. You are becoming less selfish and less self-centered towards that person.

It also means that you are ready to compromise and adapt to situations when necessary, which by the way, is very important to any relationship.

Love is freedom

Love is free, like a bird. You cannot expect a caged bird to love you. Set the bird free, if you really love it, the bird will surely come back to you. In love, freedom means that you do not feel you are superior and try to dominate over the person. Instead, you set them free; and make sure that they are safe whatever they are doing or wherever they are going. Trying to be over possessive is really not the way. By granting freedom, you do not hear yourself say, “I don’t like you doing this”. Also, you do not resort to emotional blackmail, “It will hurt me if you do this”.

Love is understanding

Belief, trust, loyalty and understanding are the pillars of any relationship. And understanding is the most important of them all. When you are in love, you’ll know that whatever the other person does, always has something good in it for you. Small issues, which are inevitable, are handled without a word of disagreement. And consensus conclusions are arrived at, while making important decisions. Mistakes are forgiven (and forgotten) without a word of dissent or blame.

Also, in love there is unconditional support. You believe the person completely and back him/her till the end even if the idea seems far fetched. Constant motivation and encouragement is always present, this not only boosts the self-confidence, makes them happy and stress-free, but also gives them the security of being in safe hands and allows them to move forward without fear.

Love is time

Time is a commodity that is becoming very scarce nowadays. Days are flying by, years are rolling on without a notice. For the present generation, which is taken in by the technological advancements and the sophisticated working environment, it has become very hard to even make a few hours each day for our loved ones. Love is something that thrives on time. You always try hard to make time for each other, in spite of busy work schedules. You will be longing to see the other’s face at the end of the day, like a mother who waits at the doorstep for her children to return home from school.

In the end, love is what makes life beautiful and worth living for. 🙂

The last minute guy

Pressure has a lot of negative effect on people. Some fight it successfully, while some bow down to its effects developing various problems with their career, relationships, and health. But me, I love pressure.

I’m most productive under pressure. I always do my best at the crunch of time, when its almost like a do-or-die situation. Having said that, it might not be a very good thing as it sounds. Like, most of the times, I don’t get started with many things until this time arrives. Things like studying; I open my books for a test when my friends would have finished studying everything once. Even though this is the case, I end up doing good in the tests (at least, most of the times).

I’m certainly not advocating this method of going about things in life to anyone. Because, every time I do well in a test after preparing so little for it, I tend to think how much more better I could have done if I had actually put in more efforts.

This behavior of mine gets my parents going at me. They get agitated at the very sight of me wasting time (at my PC or in front of the TV) on the eve of the exams. I guess after all these years, they have gotten used to it. My dad does question though: “Wonder how you get those marks in your exams; I bet you are cheating, aren’t you?”

What can I say to that? I give him a big smile. 🙂 <— Bigger than this!

U R dumped

I’ve seen a lot of break-ups in my life already. That too, without having a girlfriend yet. Lol! From my experience, I really cannot tell you why people break-up; but what I’ve inferred is the possible reasons as to why they might.

When you are impressing someone, before you start going around with that someone, you put forward the best persona of yourself. Sometimes, well, most of the times, this ‘you’ is not the real you. You tend to hide your not-so-friendly-part of yourself and adjust with the person. You tend to act as though you are ‘OK’ with everything that the person says, does and thinks.

This image of yours is, well, not stable; firstly since it is not exactly what you are, and also, it is being challenged every time the person does something that you don’t like. There will come a day, when you can take it no more. Then, everything that was once ‘OK’ with you, will become irritating and intolerable.

This may just be one of the million reasons why people break-up everyday; another one that I figured is ‘lies’. If you are lying to keep a relationship afloat, you’ll find it impossible to bring it back to life once it has sunk. Lies destroy a person’s trust in you. And trust is vital in any relation.

The brain-seed of this post was actually a Reuters report on the tech-savvy way of ending a relation:

U R dumped — one in seven say they have suffered the same fate as Britney Spears’ ex-husband and been told it’s all over via text message or email, a survey said Friday.While hiding behind technology might appear a cowardly way of splitting up, it contrasts with the four percent who simply drop all communication with their lovers without notice.”Most of us send emails and texts everyday, so it comes as no surprise they are now being used to ditch someone — however distasteful this is,” said Rob Barnes from moneysupermarket.com, which carried out the survey.

“The results show one per cent of the population would use a social networking site to dump a partner. It would be interesting to see how this changes as sites such as Facebook and MySpace become more apparent in our everyday lives.”

One of the most high-profile victims of dumping by text was Kevin Federline, who reportedly received news that pop singer Spears was filing for divorce while being filmed for a television show.

The survey said 15 percent of the 2,194 people questioned had been dumped by text or email, although a quarter of those in the most tech-savvy 18 to 24-year-old age group would choose the traditional method — a letter.